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It helps foster connection by shared interests, without the sort of outdated labels and standards that often lead to feelings of rejection and isolation. Putting less emphasis on the physical-like leaving out any ability to input your height-compounded with a zero-tolerance discrimination policy and a face-pic requirement is a step in the right direction.
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Some apps, like Chappy, are taking steps to banish those stigmas by pursuing safer, more inclusive spaces for gay men to connect. As hard as it already is for gay men to meet other gay men in-person, now the process of scrolling, seeing a stomach with less than six abs on it or a height that doesn’t measure up, and rejecting accordingly, is worse. Grindr is notorious for breaking down the male body into parts-a meat market of weight, race, muscle mass, and height. It’s easy to point to the apps themselves as the root of the problem. This literal numbers game, and the psychological ripples it’s caused for a score of gay men under 5’10”, is a curse. For something that seems so minuscule to those not in the know, short-shaming still has the power to induce a towering amount of anxiety. It’s a meaningless figure that manifests itself in being literally overlooked at bars every Saturday night. I hate how fast I’ve learned to hit those keys. “5’5”, I respond, dissociating as I watch my fingers punch in the numbers. Who am I to deny that? But the aversion to shorter men is ridiculously common in the gay community, and especially noticeable when you so frequently have to let a match know how tall you are before meeting them. “ How tall are you?” makes me wonder if I’m even worth somebody’s time. As it is, I almost gag whenever the thought of online dating pops into my head, and the constant cross-examination about my stature never helps. I know how the rest of this conversation will unfold. When the question hits, my chest tightens and my stomach lurches with the dread of responding. There aren’t many ways to ask the question discreetly: “How tall are you?” It’s one that clutters my Tinder chats and makes me debate adding a few extra inches to the height listed in my profile, because it’d just be easier that way.